The strong one

Igazán szükségem volt már egy nyomorúságos Remadora ficre, meg az írásra is, úgyhogy... 
Remus/Nymphadora oneshot


When he was just a kid, Remus went through so much pain and repudiation what would have cracked even a grown-up man. Yet he fought on and told himself to be strong for his parents. He saw the sorrow in their stern eyes and knew he had to be the strong one for they were not able to do so. He was so pale and skinny and insecure, but he managed to survive.

Later he almost killed a fellow student, Severus. He was under the dominion of the Moon and he had never been so ashamed of himself before. Yet after the accident he could not let his emotions get hold of him, he had to be there for his friends. They all felt responsible for the disaster, it was a very close shave. They needed someone to lean on and Remus proved good for that. He was falling to pieces in the inside yet he knew he owed his three companions so much he would never be able to repay, so why not start with being the strong one for once? He braced himself and led them all through the perils his dangerousness caused.

Lily and James and Peter died and he was all alone. Members of the Order came and went by and they offered help but it was rather them that needed Remus than the other way round. They talked about how much they loved the Potters and how sweet memories they had about them and it provided little comfort for Remus, rather burning wounds on his raw soul. People remembered and cried and he hid his pain and comforted all the mourning friends. It was his job, he thought, after all it was him who made the biggest mistake by trusting Sirius with the Potters' life. He war responsible for this tragedy and he was ready to pay for his mistake. He had to be the strong one because no one else seemed to be willing to take the role. He took a deep breath, swallowed his grief and helped where he could.

After twelve years Sirius turned out to be innocent and escaped Azkaban. Remus was overjoyed but had already learned through his earlier experiences that his life held nothing good for him, not for too long at least. Therefore he was not surprised at all that Padfoot had to flee immediately after their reunion and he got fired from the only real job he had been able to get. Yet being prepared for it didn't make loosing all prospects for a better life any easier for him. But Sirius needed him and Dumbledore needed him too, so he could not let himself be occupied with his own misfortune. He couldn't let Sirius down, he had to be the strong one for the moment. It was the least after twelve years of false accusation of his best friend. He wrote letters and showed such strength he hadn't known he owned.

Two years later he lost his last living friend and his world fell to a thousand tiny shreds. But he couldn't afford to be mourning and let pain wash over him, not yet. He had to save Harry first. That lad went through a lot during his short life already, and Remus had to place the boy's interests before his own. After all, he was nothing more than a shabby old beast in the form of a poor skinny man, while Harry was their last hope and his late friends' only child. He hardened his heart and did everything he could to soothe Harry's pain over loosing his godfather. If that wouldn't have been enough, he also had to look after Nymphadora, who took the death of her dear cousin rather badly. Caring about her was no burden but Remus felt he wasn't able to get up one more time, not the next morning again, so it took out of him everything to be the strong one this time. But he did it, since the young and valuable fighters needed someone to rely on. He could be at least of some use for the Order, for humanity.

Not quite two more years passed, the worst and yet best two years of his life, and Remus felt too tired for living but also too tired to die. He was just starting to get his life together for the first time that he could remember and was also about to loose it all. He knew it was just a matter of time before something disastrous happened but he hadn't expected it to happen that soon. Yet his life sucked and he was getting used to it. Geroge lost his ear while fighting Death Eaters in the air under his watching. He was not much more than a boy, barely a man, brave and quick, but Snape's curse hit him before Remus could do anything about it. No time for blaming himself about it, being too worried about Dora, he took the boy back to Molly as soon and safe as he could, shame burning his insides for not having been able to protect him.
Then came the news of Moody being dead. He had thought death could no longer affect him, after loosing everyone ever close to him but apparently he had been wrong. The auror's fall shook him deeply. But when he looked up to find his friends so lost and helpless, his wife so shattered, he understood that it was still not allowed for him to break down. Moody was not just a mentor to Nymphadora but also some kind of a father-figure. She owed her carrier to Moody, who had just died. No, Remus couldn't think about that, he had to say some heartening words to all of them and get Dora home as soon as possible so she could mourn and cry in peace as long as she needed. Yes, this time he really needed to be the strong one. He looked into her eyes and found in himself all the strength he was looking for. He shook himself and buried his grief deep, deeper than ever, fearing he had nothing in his soul but graves for pain and grief and scattered memories of dead loved ones. He took then Nymphadora's hand and did everything in his power, as always.