Reckless endangerment

Remadora oneshot, what a surprise!
I should really be studying for my exams so I seem to be producing an unusually big amount of fanfics. :D
Enjoy! 

Dear Remus,

I can't believe I need to tell you this again, but I JUST DON'T CARE! And I will keep letting you know how much I don't care until you start listening. Better get used to it.

Werewolf is just a word that only has significance for stupid prejudiced assholes. That is, not for me. And, since you are supposed to be very intelligent and all, not for you either.

Love,

Tonks

Werewolf. A magical being, a beast. It was what he hated and despised the most. It was him.
Prejudice. It was the thing that turned people away from him, what made wizards and witches despise him the moment they realised he was one of them despicable beasts.
Of course, Tonks wouldn't understand that. She was yet young and innocent, had no idea how dangerous and pitiful a monster he was. She was full of pure good will and friendliness.
Almost like Lily, back at Hogwarts, only with the exception that Lily was beautiful and smart and brave and she never ever lit a flame in Remus's heart other than what a friend could. Tonks was... clumsy and loud, bright both on the outside and on the inside. And Merlin, she did lit such a blazing fire in his heart which was threatening with consuming all of his defiance.
But Remus could see the similarities between Lily and Tonks all too well. And he remembered how badly Lily's life ended. He was sweating and shivering every time he thought of Tonks being murdered, her little body, usually so full of energy, cold and limp on the floor. He had seen Lily and James. He had seen the house. He could recall the dreadful images even fifteen years later all too easily.
He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. No, he was not letting Tonks make a mistake of a lifetime. It was on him, if he could deny his feelings then he was able to save her. He had to. He carefully folded the letter, placed it into his pocket and left the kitchen of Grimauld place with steady steps, determined to get away before anybody finds him there and invites him to stay for dinner. Which would, of course, involve him meeting Tonks.
But he only got to the narrow corridor leading to the hall when he heard a loud thud.
'Oh, bugger!' muttered a voice angrily before Mrs Black started shrieking.
'Filthy traitors! Friends of mudbloods and feral beasts! Disgrace to...' she shouted at the top of her lungs until Remus finally succeeded in drawing the curtains hiding her portrait.
'Thanks' murmured Tonks somewhat embarrassed after standing up and dusting her knees.
Remus just stared at her dumbfounded. He had no idea what to say. Should he tell her he read the message or simply pretend nothing happened since their last encounter the day before, ending in a quarrel? Should he greet her or just walk away? Should he...
'I am sorry' said Tonks, interrupting his thoughts. 'I am sorry for shouting at you yesterday. And for making you mad by being a bit straighforward and rude. I know people usually don't like my style when it comes to arguments.'
'I like it' said Remus quietly, before he could have stopped himself. He appreciated the deep honesty with which Tonks talked and acted.
'Oh, great then' smiled the witch and her smile pained Remus. So full of brightness. 'You comin' to the kitchen?' she asked, though it was obvious he was just about to leave the place.
'Nah, I can't stay' answered Remus, shaking his head. The smile disappeared from Tonks's lips, a sorrowful expression taking its place. If the smile had caused pain to Remus, this was killing him.
'You shouldn't go because of me. I have oth... I can dine with my parents' she said quickly. But Remus knew what she wanted to say. She had others. Remus had none. Only the Order.
'Bye, Nymphadora' he muttered in a low voice and reached for the door.
'Remus, please' he heard Tonks pleading. 'Don't go! I can leave if you don't want to be anywhere near me or we could just simply both stay and I promise not to talk to you tonight. But you can't avoid me forever and I don't want to chase you away.'
The door suddenly flung open and saved Remus from answering.
'Oh, Remus, dear, could you please hold this for me? Thank you. Tonks, dear, good to see you again, you are so pale, I hope the Ministry's not giving you too much work again' came Molly Weasley into the hall, talking in a low voice careful not to wake Mrs Black, her husband following her with Charlie at his heels.
'Tonks, hey!' grinned the young man while his father shook Remus's free hand.
'Wotcher, Charlie!' smiled Tonks and waved back.
'We'd better go into the kitchen before this harpy starts shrieking again' suggested Molly and they all followed.
'How's it going at work?' asked Charlie after they all put their bags down in the cold, huge kitchen. 'Is Kingsley really so busy as not to accept my invitation to a great Quidditch match?'
'Unfortunately, he is. We all are' sighed Tonks. 'Stupid regulations and new decrees almost every day. Loads of paperwork.'
'You look like shit' admitted Charlie with a sympathetic look as he took the chair beside Tonks. Molly winked at Arthur who rolled his eyes in answer. Remus frowned, not exactly understanding what was happening but he was sure he didn't really like it.
'Remus, Arthur, could you help me getting ready with the dinner and setting the table?' asked Molly.
'I'd like to help as well' volunteered Tonks immediately, making Molly groan with anguish and dissatisfaction. Every time Tonks tried to help out in the kitchen, they ended up cleaning and repairing half the plates, glasses, and pots.
'No, thank you, dear, I think Arthur and Remus will be enough' said Molly, not even disguising her relieved sigh when Tonks sat back with a shrug. Remus saw that behind that shrug there was the pain and sadness over her clumsiness. He knew that shrug, trying to hide a bunch of negative feelings, all too well. And if it wasn't for the kitchen equipment's safety, he would have asked Tonks to help him just to make her smile.
They prepared dinner and sat down to start eating just when Kingsley arrived, so Molly rushed to get another set of plates and Remus found Tonks grabbing his arm.
'If he asks, I was having lunch with you today' she whispered and the next moment she turned back to Charlie and was chatting as if nothing had happened.
During dinner, Kingsley was talking with Arthur, mostly, with Remus listening but not really contributing to the discussion. Molly seemed to be busy offering more food for everybody every other minute or so. Tonks's attention was fully on Charlie who was telling some interesting stories he had with dragons, often referring to someone Remus did not know but whose name triggered a giggle from Tonks every time he was mentioned.
Once they all finished eating, Molly cleared the table, refusing to accept Tonks's help again, and asked Remus to make tea for all of them.
'Thank you, Molly, it was wonderful, as always' stood up Kingsley just when the tea was ready. 'But now I really need to go, I am already late from a meeting' he apologised and left before Molly could have held him back.
Remus poured the tea into cups and gave one to everybody, leaving Tonks to the end. When she reached for the cup, their eyes met for a brief moment and he struggled not to let his hands shake else he would have spilled tea all over the table.
'Dad, isn't that Aaron kid working for the Ministry?' asked Charlie, making Tonks shake her head.
'I told you I would know if he was there' she murmured just when Arthur said 'I know no Aaron working for us.'
'But I was sure he ended up there! What is he doing then, I wonder?' he said and sipped from his tea.
'Probably trying to invent a charm that can milk a dozen cows at once' suggested Tonks and Charlie burst out laughing. Remus looked around and saw that neither Arthur nor Molly understood the joke, but Molly was smirking with a strange look in her eyes again.
'I am quite tired, aren't you, Arthur? I think we should go home' she said and dragged her husband up from his chair. 'Remus, would you please be so nice and escort us out of the house?'
Remus stood up, puzzled, and he suddenly understood what was going on when he catched the look Arthur cast his wife. She was trying to get Charlie and Tonks together. And, for Merlin's beard, it seemed to be working. Remus felt ill but knew it was probably better this way.
He led the way out of the kitchen and said goodbye to Molly and Arthur, not exactly willing to leave Tonks and Charlie behind as well. He contemplated going back to the kitchen but then he decided against it, not wanting to interrupt anything there either. So he walked up to the library.
He choose the first book from the first bookshelf, assuming he would not read anyway, and sat in front of the cold fireplace, setting the logs aflame with a wave of his wand. He sat there and stared into the flames for a long time, thinking, though he could not recall any of his thoughts later.
'Wotcher, Remus!' came the cheery voice from the doorway and he looked up, suddenly unsure of where he was.
'Hello' he said, then turned back to the flames. He did not want to ask where Charlie was.
'D'you mind if I join you?' asked Tonks and sat next to him, not indiscreetly close but Remus still felt the vibration getting to life between their bodies. 'Charlie wanted to say goodbye but we thought you left.'
'Just been up here' he muttered, wondering where this discussion was leading them.
'You've been quiet tonight. I mean, even more quiet than usually. Are you okay? Is it me or something else?' asked Tonks in a soft voice and edged closer, placing her hand on his arm.
'It's... everything' answered Remus honestly. 'It's my existence.' And your letter, he wanted to say, but he decided it was a bad idea. It was before Charlie turned up. It had no significance now, he hoped. He feared.
'Did you get my letter?'
And there came the question. He reached into his pocket, produced the parchment and said nothing. So Charlie meant nothing.
'Do I need to tell you all again? 'Cause I am willing to, if needed' said Tonks quietly.
'Not necessary. Why did you lie to Kingsley?' asked Remus, happy that another topic popped up in his mind.
'You don't want to hear. It's pathetic' answered Tonks with a scowl.
'Please' added Remus and Tonks sighed.
'I was crying. I couldn't get back to work soon enough and when he asked where I had been this was the first thing that came to my mind' she shrugged, embarrassed.
Remus turned to her and was surprised to find her so vulnerable and tired. Her eyes were big with dark shadows under them, her face pale. He felt his hand reaching to her and rubbing a thumb over her cheek. She leaned into his touch.
'Come here' he said, unable to deny his comfort from her. Tonks looked a bit surprised but cuddled close to him before he could have changed his mind. He hugged her and started stroking her back as she buried her head into his chest. He knew she was crying but had no idea what to say.
'Why do we keep hurting each other Remus? Why can't we just try?' she whispered after a time.
'It's impossible' said Remus, suddenly cool and tense. 'You should rather go along with Molly's plan.'
'What plan?' asked Tonks dumbfounded.
'You getting together with Charlie. A young, handsome, rich man instead of me' answered Remus bitterly.
'First, Charlie is not rich' started Tonks, sitting up and looking at him sternly. 'Second, I just can't believe we are here again. You should find some new arguments cause these are getting hella boring!'
'Boring? Maybe. But you can't deny they are all true' sputtered Remus angrily. Boring? It was all that kept her from ruining her life. That kept him from being happy.
'Yes, they are true. Indeed, I just realised you are around the age of Dumbledore, gosh, look at your spectacular beard! And what a lovely wrinkly face!'
'Don't make fun of me' asked Remus calmly.
'I am making fun of your arguments, not you, Remus' said Tonks, taking his hands in her own. 'Why are you being so stubborn?'
'I need you to stay away from me. I can't lose you like I lost everybody else' whispered Remus. It was the first time he told her about this. But Lily's and James's pale, dead faces hovered in his mind. He felt his breathing becoming faster, panic squeezing him, as Tonks's shattered body joined them.
'Remus, please. You are not losing me, I am a quite well-trained Auror. Besides, if I am to die in this war, it will be regardless of whether I am with you or not' said Tonks and Remus couldn't deny her words. Except for the inevitable doom part, which went with being around him.
'All who get close to me, die. It is stupid to take the risk" he muttered.
'Then I am stupid. But it already happened. Just.... just give us a chance, okay? If I happen to die in the near future, I promise to break up with you immediately, agreed?' asked Tonks with a weak smile.
Remus nodded, a bittersweet smile on his lips. He was tired of running, of pushing her away. He still had the chance of screwing it all up quite soon and then Tonks would leave him for real, finally. He just had to make her realise how awful a person he was. Gonna be easy, he was only to act normal.
'Thank you' murmured Tonks, not yet quite believing she finally succeeded. She hugged him and he buried his face into her bubblegum pink hair.
'I hope you know this is reckless endangerment. But you know what? I don't care, not right now' he said and kissed the top of her head. Tonk chuckled.
'I think I live for reckless endangerment' she muttered with a smirk.