So, it is exam period and I finally got enough of it and have actually written something. This piece was again inspired by the most amazing Molotov Jukebox. Check out their song 'Leave your light on' and you will understand. :) Have fun reading!
Anger boiling in her chest, Tonks left the kitchen, her scarlet hair flying after her like fire. She tried to slow her pace, to gain control of her emotions. She failed.
Running up the stairs she stumbled and bumped her forhead into the railing. Pain flared but her emotional turmoil took over again as she got up and rushed into an empty bedroom. She knew she'd done a stupid thing, letting others see the depth of her feelings. Reacting so foolishly fierce was a bad idea but she hadn't really thought about what to do at that moment. She just acted. And now they all knew.
They all knew how much she desired Remus. Of course everybody had already known that she was heplessly in love with him but this was something too intimate. Remus must never hear about this. He was so uncertain and vulnerable, this would immediately chase him away. Not just from her but from the whole Order, from all of his friends.
She hated Molly for bringing up the topic, for insisting on talking about it. But mostly for questioning her words, when she finally gave in and confessed. Tonks had always liked that woman but now she couldn't think of a reason why. Now she only wanted to hit her, to hurt her for her painful comments.
The room she chose for hiding was dark and dirty, like most rooms in this freaking house. She crossed to a corner and slid down next to the bed, her back to the door. Just as she felt her buttocks touching the cold floor, she started sobbing.
She felt lonely and a bit miserable and she wanted Remus. She wanted to feel his hug, cling on to him and let him comfort her. But Remus was not here today, fortunately. This way he couldn't overhear the awkward conversation between Molly and Tonks, like everybody else in the kitchen did. This way he was save from those hurtful words.
Tonks wiped away the tears from her cheeks. No, she would not let this get out of hand. She would go back downstairs and tell them all that this was none of their business. She would warn them not to speak of this to anyone, she might even place a threat or two. She might be a young clumsy witch but she was also a powerful Auror in love. They'd better not underestimate her.
Just as she was about to crawl out of her corner, the door opened. She quickly hid behind the bed, instinct taking over. When the intruder stepped into the room, his raised wand was met with Tonks's own one.
'Moody?' asked Tonks disbelievingly. She didn't expect her mentor, of all people, to come after her.
'Put away that wand, kid' nodded the old Auror and only lowered his hand when Tonks did as he bid her. 'I see someone finally takes my advice. No wonder I always liked you.'
'Constant vigilance' smiled Tonks weakly. 'Why are you here?'
She was sure her utter puzzlement was showing on her face but Moody took his time answering.
'Molly wanted to come after you but I told her you might curse her if she did' grunted the old wizard.
'I wouldn't curse her' exclaimed Tonks. Yes, she was angry, but not THAT angry.
'Accidentally, as she wouldn't have drawn her wand upon entering this room. This was supposed to be a compliment, kid. Take it.'
'Oh' sighed Tonks, blushing a little. 'Thanks, Moody.'
The man winked at her and both of his eyes were fixed on her face for a moment before the electric blue one started towards the back of his head again.
'Now let's talk about what just happened. You must not let your emotions take over like that. You have to guard yourself. This can mean the difference between life and death, boy' rumbled Moody. She knew this, obviously, but she still felt as if she was being reproached for some carelessness at Auror training again.
'I know. I usually do, this was just.... I just... it was...' she mumbled.
'Usually is not enough, Tonks' said the old man and she knew he was right.
'I wasn't expecting this, that's all. And I am still fighting my own emotions about the topic, trying to figure things out' she tried to explain herself. ' It won't happen again.'
'I hope so' grunted Moody and then placed a hand on her shoulder, his touch surprisingly gentle. ' I know it's not easy, kid. And it never will be, guaranteed. But you have to stop reacting so fiercely. And now you have to go back and face Molly.'
'I should. But what can I say to her? I am still angry' she muttered. 'This is none of her business.'
'Tell her exactly this, then. I expect her to be a bit hurt but this needs to be done' suggested Moody
'You think she was right asking me all those questions?' asked Tonks, a bit guilty.
'Nah' grunted the old Auror and he stood up. ' She is damn nosy. But her heart is gold.'
'True' sighed Tonks and she climbed to her feet. 'Thank you' she whispered as they left the room. Moody gave a grim nod but his normal eye was glinting with a cheerful light.
Running up the stairs she stumbled and bumped her forhead into the railing. Pain flared but her emotional turmoil took over again as she got up and rushed into an empty bedroom. She knew she'd done a stupid thing, letting others see the depth of her feelings. Reacting so foolishly fierce was a bad idea but she hadn't really thought about what to do at that moment. She just acted. And now they all knew.
They all knew how much she desired Remus. Of course everybody had already known that she was heplessly in love with him but this was something too intimate. Remus must never hear about this. He was so uncertain and vulnerable, this would immediately chase him away. Not just from her but from the whole Order, from all of his friends.
She hated Molly for bringing up the topic, for insisting on talking about it. But mostly for questioning her words, when she finally gave in and confessed. Tonks had always liked that woman but now she couldn't think of a reason why. Now she only wanted to hit her, to hurt her for her painful comments.
The room she chose for hiding was dark and dirty, like most rooms in this freaking house. She crossed to a corner and slid down next to the bed, her back to the door. Just as she felt her buttocks touching the cold floor, she started sobbing.
She felt lonely and a bit miserable and she wanted Remus. She wanted to feel his hug, cling on to him and let him comfort her. But Remus was not here today, fortunately. This way he couldn't overhear the awkward conversation between Molly and Tonks, like everybody else in the kitchen did. This way he was save from those hurtful words.
Tonks wiped away the tears from her cheeks. No, she would not let this get out of hand. She would go back downstairs and tell them all that this was none of their business. She would warn them not to speak of this to anyone, she might even place a threat or two. She might be a young clumsy witch but she was also a powerful Auror in love. They'd better not underestimate her.
Just as she was about to crawl out of her corner, the door opened. She quickly hid behind the bed, instinct taking over. When the intruder stepped into the room, his raised wand was met with Tonks's own one.
'Moody?' asked Tonks disbelievingly. She didn't expect her mentor, of all people, to come after her.
'Put away that wand, kid' nodded the old Auror and only lowered his hand when Tonks did as he bid her. 'I see someone finally takes my advice. No wonder I always liked you.'
'Constant vigilance' smiled Tonks weakly. 'Why are you here?'
She was sure her utter puzzlement was showing on her face but Moody took his time answering.
'Molly wanted to come after you but I told her you might curse her if she did' grunted the old wizard.
'I wouldn't curse her' exclaimed Tonks. Yes, she was angry, but not THAT angry.
'Accidentally, as she wouldn't have drawn her wand upon entering this room. This was supposed to be a compliment, kid. Take it.'
'Oh' sighed Tonks, blushing a little. 'Thanks, Moody.'
The man winked at her and both of his eyes were fixed on her face for a moment before the electric blue one started towards the back of his head again.
'Now let's talk about what just happened. You must not let your emotions take over like that. You have to guard yourself. This can mean the difference between life and death, boy' rumbled Moody. She knew this, obviously, but she still felt as if she was being reproached for some carelessness at Auror training again.
'I know. I usually do, this was just.... I just... it was...' she mumbled.
'Usually is not enough, Tonks' said the old man and she knew he was right.
'I wasn't expecting this, that's all. And I am still fighting my own emotions about the topic, trying to figure things out' she tried to explain herself. ' It won't happen again.'
'I hope so' grunted Moody and then placed a hand on her shoulder, his touch surprisingly gentle. ' I know it's not easy, kid. And it never will be, guaranteed. But you have to stop reacting so fiercely. And now you have to go back and face Molly.'
'I should. But what can I say to her? I am still angry' she muttered. 'This is none of her business.'
'Tell her exactly this, then. I expect her to be a bit hurt but this needs to be done' suggested Moody
'You think she was right asking me all those questions?' asked Tonks, a bit guilty.
'Nah' grunted the old Auror and he stood up. ' She is damn nosy. But her heart is gold.'
'True' sighed Tonks and she climbed to her feet. 'Thank you' she whispered as they left the room. Moody gave a grim nod but his normal eye was glinting with a cheerful light.
That night Tonks couldn't sleep. She played that scene in her head over and over again. The look in Molly's eyes, in all of their eyes. She knew what they thought. They were so wrong. Sooo fucking wrong.
She checked the time. Almost midnight. She should have been sleeping. Remus would soon return from his Order mission and he was always furious when he found her awake. Well, not exactly furious, he rarely got furious, but not pleased. And Tonks didn't want to talk to him at that moment anyway, she was afraid she would give herself away immediately. So she closed her eyes again, determined to fall asleep.
But the words from earlier were haunting her mind. Honey, you can tell me the truth. Don't you miss the fire? ...he is a kind man but.... I know you love him but... do you talk about....Let me help you with... I could talk to him, you know, or Arthur.... I understand if....
No, she didn't understand ANY of it! Oh, the pity in her eyes. That misguided sadness. How she wanted to punch her just to make that look disappear. It pained her more than anything said about her could have had. Because it was about Remus.
Her Remus, who had all the fire she could possibly have asked for, and even more. The wizard who made her heart roar with love and her chest churn with longing. The man who made her feel like a woman. A desirable and wonderful woman.
Of course, the others only saw him as a kind guy with a sheepish smile. They had no idea about how passionate he could get. And it was okay, it was good. That was only their business. So why did Molly want to question her? Why did she say all those awful things?
After they talked with Moody, Tonks followed the old Auror back to the kitchen. She told Molly how she felt about her questions and the woman apologised, even blushing as she did. Tonks nodded and all was well again. Except for it wasn't, not for her.
She heard the front door open and close. Quiet footsteps followed. Remus got home. She first thought about feigning sleep but she quickly decided against it. She needed to hug Remus. Now.
Crawling out of bed, she stumbled in her own banket. Remus was just taking off his shoes as he saw her practically running towards him. He opened his arms, a surprised look on his face, and embraced Tonks in his comforting warm hug when the witch jumped onto him.
'Wotcher' whispered Tonks, her breaths tickling his ear.
'Hello, love' smiled Remus. 'Is everything okay?' he asked, a worried expression on his face.
'Absolutely' lied Tonks. Remus quirked an eyebrow and took her to the couch, sitting down with her on his lap.
'What is it, Dora?' muttered her husband with a questioning look and his fingers found their way into her hair.
'I just... I missed you' murmured Tonks, a bit uncertain whether she should tell him what happened. She had been sure she would not but now it seemed like a pretty good idea.
'I missed you too, love. But I know this is not what you wanted to say' he said calmly, his hand gently stroking her back. Tonks laid her head to his chest and hugged him close again.
'Remus... I need to ask you something' she started and she could feel the man tensing. 'How did you know how to kiss me, from the very first minute? You knew exactly how to touch me and where to kiss me. How did you know my lips so well so quickly?' she whispered. ' You kissed me and I didn't want you to stop. In fact, I am always hoping for a little bit more.'
Remus didn't answer so she looked up at him. His face was somewhere between disbelieving and embarrassed. 'Dora, I.... where does this come from? What do you mean by this?'
'I just had an interesting conversation with Molly today. You know, you make me blush a little too much and everyone can see... everyone can see how much I love you. And from this day on, they are also quite aware that it is not just love but... but also sexual desire' she admitted, blushing.
'Wha.... Dora, what did you do?' asked Remus horrified, his face paling.
'Nothing! Molly was questioning me and she said very unkind things about you, she said you must be boring and.... and all horrible things and she looked at me with freaking pity! That woman fucking pitied me for being with you' exclaimed Tonks, tears of anger gleaming in her eyes. 'So I kinda got upset and I swear I didn't curse her or anything but I told her that she was wrong and ran away and... I am so sorry, Remus, I know it is not their business, I didn't want them to know about us this much. I j-just got s-so angry.'
'Hey, Dora, it's okay. Everything's fine' assured Remus when she started crying. 'Though you don't need to lie or exaggerate things... I am okay with them knowing I am not as young as you. I mean, they already do. You can't change this. It's okay.'
'N-no, it's not! Y-you are n-not bad in b-bed' sobbed Tonks. She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. 'Remus, you are fr-freaking amazing.'
A sad smile crossed his face. He wanted to protest but he knew it was worthless. Somehow, this vibrant, young witch truly seemed to love his touch. To adore his kisses. To long to touch his battered body. He'd be damned if he understood.
'I am happy you find me... satisfying. But I really don't care what others think' muttered Remus, his voice rough with emotions.
'But I do. When their words hurt you, they hurt me twice as much, darling' smiled Tonks sadly.
'I love you, you crazy witch' whispered Remus, trembling.
'I love you too' answered Tonks slowly and she started kissing Remus's neck. When he grabbed her hips, he realised she somehow unbuttoned his shirt without him noticing. Auror training must have been efficient.
Then he took her lips with his own, stroking her desire. They lay naked on the couch within minutes, Tonks slowly riding him, pure joy on her face. Remus would never get enough of that look. Of this woman.
As he started thrusting upwards, Tonks's thoughts blanked. She only knew one thing - that she didn't want this to end. Ever.
She checked the time. Almost midnight. She should have been sleeping. Remus would soon return from his Order mission and he was always furious when he found her awake. Well, not exactly furious, he rarely got furious, but not pleased. And Tonks didn't want to talk to him at that moment anyway, she was afraid she would give herself away immediately. So she closed her eyes again, determined to fall asleep.
But the words from earlier were haunting her mind. Honey, you can tell me the truth. Don't you miss the fire? ...he is a kind man but.... I know you love him but... do you talk about....Let me help you with... I could talk to him, you know, or Arthur.... I understand if....
No, she didn't understand ANY of it! Oh, the pity in her eyes. That misguided sadness. How she wanted to punch her just to make that look disappear. It pained her more than anything said about her could have had. Because it was about Remus.
Her Remus, who had all the fire she could possibly have asked for, and even more. The wizard who made her heart roar with love and her chest churn with longing. The man who made her feel like a woman. A desirable and wonderful woman.
Of course, the others only saw him as a kind guy with a sheepish smile. They had no idea about how passionate he could get. And it was okay, it was good. That was only their business. So why did Molly want to question her? Why did she say all those awful things?
After they talked with Moody, Tonks followed the old Auror back to the kitchen. She told Molly how she felt about her questions and the woman apologised, even blushing as she did. Tonks nodded and all was well again. Except for it wasn't, not for her.
She heard the front door open and close. Quiet footsteps followed. Remus got home. She first thought about feigning sleep but she quickly decided against it. She needed to hug Remus. Now.
Crawling out of bed, she stumbled in her own banket. Remus was just taking off his shoes as he saw her practically running towards him. He opened his arms, a surprised look on his face, and embraced Tonks in his comforting warm hug when the witch jumped onto him.
'Wotcher' whispered Tonks, her breaths tickling his ear.
'Hello, love' smiled Remus. 'Is everything okay?' he asked, a worried expression on his face.
'Absolutely' lied Tonks. Remus quirked an eyebrow and took her to the couch, sitting down with her on his lap.
'What is it, Dora?' muttered her husband with a questioning look and his fingers found their way into her hair.
'I just... I missed you' murmured Tonks, a bit uncertain whether she should tell him what happened. She had been sure she would not but now it seemed like a pretty good idea.
'I missed you too, love. But I know this is not what you wanted to say' he said calmly, his hand gently stroking her back. Tonks laid her head to his chest and hugged him close again.
'Remus... I need to ask you something' she started and she could feel the man tensing. 'How did you know how to kiss me, from the very first minute? You knew exactly how to touch me and where to kiss me. How did you know my lips so well so quickly?' she whispered. ' You kissed me and I didn't want you to stop. In fact, I am always hoping for a little bit more.'
Remus didn't answer so she looked up at him. His face was somewhere between disbelieving and embarrassed. 'Dora, I.... where does this come from? What do you mean by this?'
'I just had an interesting conversation with Molly today. You know, you make me blush a little too much and everyone can see... everyone can see how much I love you. And from this day on, they are also quite aware that it is not just love but... but also sexual desire' she admitted, blushing.
'Wha.... Dora, what did you do?' asked Remus horrified, his face paling.
'Nothing! Molly was questioning me and she said very unkind things about you, she said you must be boring and.... and all horrible things and she looked at me with freaking pity! That woman fucking pitied me for being with you' exclaimed Tonks, tears of anger gleaming in her eyes. 'So I kinda got upset and I swear I didn't curse her or anything but I told her that she was wrong and ran away and... I am so sorry, Remus, I know it is not their business, I didn't want them to know about us this much. I j-just got s-so angry.'
'Hey, Dora, it's okay. Everything's fine' assured Remus when she started crying. 'Though you don't need to lie or exaggerate things... I am okay with them knowing I am not as young as you. I mean, they already do. You can't change this. It's okay.'
'N-no, it's not! Y-you are n-not bad in b-bed' sobbed Tonks. She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. 'Remus, you are fr-freaking amazing.'
A sad smile crossed his face. He wanted to protest but he knew it was worthless. Somehow, this vibrant, young witch truly seemed to love his touch. To adore his kisses. To long to touch his battered body. He'd be damned if he understood.
'I am happy you find me... satisfying. But I really don't care what others think' muttered Remus, his voice rough with emotions.
'But I do. When their words hurt you, they hurt me twice as much, darling' smiled Tonks sadly.
'I love you, you crazy witch' whispered Remus, trembling.
'I love you too' answered Tonks slowly and she started kissing Remus's neck. When he grabbed her hips, he realised she somehow unbuttoned his shirt without him noticing. Auror training must have been efficient.
Then he took her lips with his own, stroking her desire. They lay naked on the couch within minutes, Tonks slowly riding him, pure joy on her face. Remus would never get enough of that look. Of this woman.
As he started thrusting upwards, Tonks's thoughts blanked. She only knew one thing - that she didn't want this to end. Ever.
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