So this is a Remadora fic again. Turned out not quite as I had planned it but then it usually does go its own way. Hope you'll like it though. Cheers.
Tonks was rummaging through the mess on her desk when a purple paper aeroplane hit her forehead. She had probably been ignoring it for a few minutes if it ended up attacking her. She sighed and caught it, unfolding it while sitting back in her chair.
Go to the Burrow after you shift tonight. I have news.
Burn this letter NOW
Rolling her eyes, Tonks set the letter aflame. She wasn't stupid, she would have burned it anyway. As Kingsley's brief sentences burned up within a few seconds, Tonks tried to calm down and not think about what that news might have been about. Surely nothing seriously wrong, then they would not have had her waiting until late at night. Just some simple Order stuff.
She took a big breath and placed a shaky hand on her yet flat stomach. Worrying was no good for her baby. The baby who might not even stay with her. It had only been a few weeks since she got pregnant. Anything could happen, considering her job both at the Ministry and at the Order. But it was a sign for hope. What-ifs filled her head and heart. What if Remus found out about it and left them? What if he stayed but she lost the baby? What if they all died? What if she could give birth to a baby and then have no idea what to do with it?
Her thoughts got distracted by a loud knocking on her office door.
'Tonks, we are off in five minutes. Hurry up!' shouted one of her colleagues.
'Sure' yelled Tonks back and quickly left her office, totally forgetting about what she had been looking for before getting Kingsley's message.
When Tonks finally got home it was already past midnight and she was more exhausted than she would have cared to admit. Having to work for the Order after her Ministry job was definitely taking its toll on her, and this time her tiredness was maybe a bit more pronounced than usually.
She dropped her bag to the floor and hung her cloak next to the door.
'What book did I lend you the first time we had a date?' came the low voice of Remus from behind her and when she turned, a wand was pressed right to her chest.
'Wotcher to you too, Remus' she pouted, rolling her eyes. 'You know this is unnecessary, right? My hair changed colour twice since I stepped into the flat. It's obviously me.'
But the thin man in front of her did not lower his wand so she sighed and answered.
'An old collection of Byron poems. If you count that as our first date' she said, a cheeky grin appearing on her face.
When Remus finally put his wand away, Tonks wanted to hug him but he held up a hand.
'Ask me a question. You still can't be sure I am me' he warned, his face serious.
'Come on, Remus, I am fucking tired and I have a bunch of spells on this, by the way totally secret, flat. Nobody could have gotten in but you and my parents.' At his insistent look, she grunted. 'Okay, then answer this. How many times did we have sex last month?'
'Dora....' started Remus, obviously taken aback by the question. 'What kind of question is this? I don't even... I think... maybe eight times? Seven? How should I remember the exact number?'
'Well, then maybe you are not even the real Remus, right? Shame, now I have to curse your ass' whispered Tonks. Remus was so pale in the dim light of the lamp, a look of worry in his eyes, that she burst out laughing. 'Kidding, hubby. I know it's you, and by the way you got it wrong. I think it was nine.'
'Dora, please don't take this lightly. How could you be sure it's me without asking a proper question? And how could I not worry all the time I am not here that you don't let a Death Eater be around you by mistake?' asked Remus, sitting down at the couch.
'Hey, Remus, calm down. I knew it was you because of your smell. Nobody else could possibly smell this amazing' smiled Tonks and slid down next to him. 'Now, if you are done, can I please hug you finally?'
Remus slipped his arms around her, pulling her close, his face buried in her hair. Tonks kissed his neck and his jawline.
'I missed you' she whispered.
'I love you' murmured Remus and drew her into his lap. 'How was work today?'
'Fine' shrugged Tonks. 'Though we've got a few new Death Eaters in the Ministry. No big surprise. Kingsley warned me about them tonight. And then of course I had to stay and talk to Molly. Honestly, Remus, I am not sure whether it's her or Ginny who is more upset about what those three might be planning. Everybody is just upset and moody these days.'
'It is understandable' sighed Remus. 'We are no exceptions either. Wartime is like this.'
'I get that' murmured Tonks and cuddled in closer to Remus.
Tell him now? No, she couldn't. She had to! She took a shaky breath.
'Look, Remus....' she started, but then chickened out when she looked into his eyes. Not now. Not yet. 'I am quite hungry, do we have some leftover?'
'We do, but I am surprised Molly didn't feed you until you could barely walk away' he said, his voice warm and calm. He took his wand from the coffee table and summoned some food from the kitchen, warming it up before giving it to Tonks. 'There you go.'
'Thanks' she muttered, starting to pick at the pasta. She was not that hungry, of course. What to do now?
For a few minutes it was only Tonks chewing and swallowing and Remus slowly stroking her back.
'What is it, Dora?' he asked after a time. Tonks set the plate aside to the table and climbed from her husband's lap, sitting close to his side.
'Remus, we need to talk' she started and she could see how the look on Remus's face went from generally calm to anxious.
'Listening' he choked up, his voice barely audible.
'Please don't freak out. We love each other so we've got this, right?' she asked, though Remus just seemed more concerned. Better get over with it as soon as possible. ' Remus, I am ... we are having a baby, probably.'
'We are doing what?' whispered Remus in deadened voice.
'Having a baby. I am pregnant. It's just a few weeks old, so nothing's for sure, but the Mediwitch said it is there and it seems strong' smiled Tonks weakly.
'But... how?' asked Remus, quite shocked.
'Well, you know, we kind of had sex. Like, eight or nine times last month, just like we discussed' she answered, rolling her eyes.
'You.... me... is this possible?' stuttered Remus.
'I am not having the birds and bees talk with you, honey' laughed Tonks nervously. She was really afraid of Remus's reaction.
'Okay, I get that part but... okay. So we are having a kid. I will be a father. Okay, a baby. Okay' stammered Remus, trying to breath.
'Are you... I dunno, angry? Happy? Mad at me? Disappointed? Something?' asked Tonks, shaking.
'Why would I be mad at you? Or even disappointed? You are pregnant, for Merlin's sake. I love you, you crazy woman!' laughed Remus and hugged her close, planting kisses all over her face.
Tonks shuddered and basically collapsed into his arms, tears streaking down her face.
'What is it, Dora? Why are you crying?' asked Remus worried. 'Are you not happy?'
'I am. I'm just relieved' gave Tonks a tearful smile. 'I am thrilled. I was just so worried about what you would think.'
'Well, I think this is great. You have a little being inside, right here' he murmured, showering her flat belly with kisses. 'This is incredible Dora. I mean, I am sure I will be worried and even afraid and this isn't the best time because of the war but then so many great kids were born during war and they are adults now and it is manageable' he assured Tonks, who was sure she couldn't have been surprised more. Was he truly so positive about this, of all things? 'I can promise you that I will freak out about this. Later. Right now I am just ridiculously happy' he chuckled, pulling Tonks close and kissing her deep with all the happiness and love he bore for her.
That night, they celebrated their pregnancy with sweet lovemaking on the couch and raw sex in the bedroom. And then a long sleep. Inside their happy bubble, Tonk decided it was a good idea telling him. It was going to be an amazing chapter of their lives.
Three and a half days later Tonks was already sure that telling Remus was maybe not the best idea. But hell, she had to tell him at some point anyway, right?
She was at home, curled up on the floor in front of the couch, alone and miserable. Remus left. He finally had time to wrap his mind around all this and what this might mean. What if the kid was going to be a werewolf? Then we would need your help even more, you twat! What if it got discriminated against because of its father? Because being left behind by his dad is much better, right, sure. What if they all died because of him? We'd die without you too, idiot.
Tonks took his time crying and then getting herself together. She could not let herself get caught up in that quagmire of negative emotions again. This time she had a child to think about too.
After choking down some porridge and a cup of tea, she sent her Patronus to her mom, asking casually is she could have dinner with them. She needed to tell them. But she still had a few hours before that and she was off duty that day, both at the Ministry and at the Order.
So she sat there alone, thinking, a few teardrops falling down now and then onto the undying words of Byron. That old copy Remus lent her was lying forgotten in her lap. She was never going to give it back anyways and they both knew that.
She missed Sirius. He was an idiot but he could have talked some sense into his old friend. Why do you always leave, Remus? Why can't you stay with me, just once?
It was no good sitting there. She took a deep breath and stood up. She was going to do something useful. Sorting through her clothes, maybe. Or paying a visit to the Weasley twins' shop. That could never hurt, and their toys and inventions could even make her feel better.
After quickly dressing up and changing her looks somewhat so that she would not get recognised easily, she strode down Diagon Alley within minutes.
All those empty shops and dark windows. Even this magical street got so haunted and horrible. Tonks got a strangely bad feeling about it. Was it truly a good idea to have a child under such conditions? And if she died and left behind an orphan? And if that child had to grow up while Voldemort was still in his powers? No, she can't be this selfish. This is no time for children. But then, this kid is already there. It's a bit too late to change her mind. If only Remus hadn't left...
She stepped aside when a bigger group of pale and quiet wizards hurried down the street. As she looked up, she found herself face to face with an ugly, murderous face. Greyback. It was one of the huge WANTED posters in a shopwindow. And Remus's words echoed in her head.
What if the kid is going to be a werewolf? Greyback... the pack... the full moon.... the danger.... fear... Yes, fear. She saw pure and raw fear in his eyes when he left her. It all started with Greyback.
When that monster bit Remus, only a kid of five. How he suffered from lycanthrophy all his life from that point on. When he admitted his biggest fears to her, whispering in the darkness of the night. When he went off with that pack last year. When he came back, his scars numerous and painful. And now he left her because he thought Greyback would be after his child. That maybe he infected an innocent baby with lycanthropy. It started with Greyback and it is about him again.
All the people he killed, all the people he infected... and now he is threatening her unborn baby. Tonks felt her hair growing and glowing bright red. Even her nose changed its form. She hated Greyback more than anything, ever in her life. How did he dare threatening Remus and her? And even their baby? Untenable. She got so heated up with anger she almost started off right at that moment to find and off that freak.
But she was an Auror and she was not stupid. She had to calm down and kill him later. She needed to reason and sort things out and have plans. And take care of her baby. Who was sooo going to live and never suffer from Greyback.
Not as long as she had a word in it. One shy and shabby werewolf should not have underestimated her willpower, loyalty, and strength. And one other monstrous and despicable werewolf should not have behaved as he did. Never underestimate the rage of a Hufflepuff, thought Tonks. Never underestimate the power of a young witch. And never underestimate the might of a mother protecting its family.
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